So WoYoPracMo is upon us. The goal is to practice yoga every day in January. That is quite the challenge to me. But truth be told, it couldn’t come at a better time than a time of needed healing. So I endeavor to start well.

Anyone who practices can acquire the yoga siddhis (powers), but not one who is lazy. Yoga siddhis are not obtained by merely reading textbooks. Nor are they reached by wearing yoga garments or by conversation about yoga, but only through tireless practice. This is the secret of success. There is no doubt about it.

Hatha Yoga Pradipika (Chapter 4, Verses 65-66)

Of course, I read that in one of my yoga texts. But I like the spirit of this charge–Do! I was once given good advise by someone far wiser than me, “It’s time to stop thinking and start writing.” He meant it in my selecting the path of my career. But it is farther reaching in my life than just that. Here’s a case of stop blogging and get to the mat. So that’s where I’m off to, my yoga mat.

Namaste, y’all!

I was a member of Greenpeace back in the 80s. They had checks printed on recycled paper well before anyone else. And even though I had a minimum wage job, I paid for my membership and my checks and was proud to support a greener world.And in law school, I still clearly remember the day I got into a huge argument with a friend just before class about Earth Day. He believed the hole in the ozone layer was propaganda, and the gist of my argument was, “What harm is to you to not use aerosols? To recycle paper? Plastic? If you won’t do it for yourself, won’t you do it to be sure the world will be here for your children? Your grandchildren?” It was an ugly argument. People left the room. And most who heard it thought I was a tree-hugging extremist.

I wish I was still as impassioned as I was a decade ago. I don’t even use recycled checks anymore. And since Katrina, there is currently no recycling of trash going on at all in my home. I am disappointed in myself.

I do reuse things–we are using many borrowed and second-hand items for Sun. And I pass on magazines and books that I read. Better than that, I use the public library regularly and try not to buy books.  I use a coffee mug instead of plastic cups in the office, and I even use the recycled grocery bags instead of the disposable ones. We do not buy bottled water–we use a Brita filter instead. And I DO NOT drive an SUV–the hubs and I both drive small, gas-efficient cars–and neither two dogs, a cat nor a baby will change that.

But it isn’t enough. Rekindling my Yoga practice has reminded me of the yamas, the rules for living virtuously. And one yama, asteya, provides for non-coveting, taking only what one needs and no more. In an America consumed with consumerism, this rule can easily get lost. Keeping up with the Jones’ has been brought to a new level.

So my endeavor as I work the physical aspects of Yoga is to likewise work on asteya. And my hope is that this heightened awareness will be reflected in how I treat the environment. I’ll start with stopping my use of the plastic-laden floss picks that I love and return to the use of just plain dental floss. Sometimes its the small things we do collectively that CAN make a difference.

While on maternity leave, I am trying to get things done that will just be harder to do once I am back at work.

Here’s what I’ve done so far:

1. Written countless thank-you notes for the gifts we’ve received since Sun was born. I am currently caught up!

2. Opened a savings account for Sun. What happened to the passbook savings? Now, instead of the cool passbook, they give you what looks like a check register. Not nearly as exciting to watch grow. Plus, the bank didn’t even enter her initial deposit–they expect me to do it. The passbook was much more official looking. To bad they are gone.

3. Opened a 529 account for Sun’s college savings. Can’t start early enough, from my way of thinking, to save for the ever-increasing cost of college.

4. Written two condolence cards. Let’s hope there will be no more of these any time soon.

5. Got caught up with reading my old newspapers and magazines. Also have read many novels during these eight weeks.

Still to do are the following items:

1. Finish knitting a blanket I started in October. I really am ready for a new and smaller project.

2. Balance my checkbook. From 2005. Katrina kinda threw me off (I love to blame as much as I can on Katrina!).

3. Resolve breastfeeding issues (hahahaha).

4. Lose remaining baby weight and an additional bit of weight (this will require me eating out less).

5. Resume yoga (have signed up for class starting in September–yipee!!).

6. Do laundry. There always seems to be laundry to do.

7. Fill in items in Sun’s baby book.

8. Print photographs to put in Sun’s photo album.

9. Sew strap for high chair (the high chair was my mother’s and the strap is missing).

10. Buy new work clothes. Want to look shiny and new when I return next month.

So much to do, so little time.

As I move forward with my pregnancy, and the monitoring of Sun gets more in depth, my battle with anxiety has been ongoing. I know I suffer with anxiety and have to rally to rise above it. And ultimately I always do, but sometimes it gets the better of me first.

One thing that has always helped with my anxiety is yoga. A good yoga session can free my mind of all worries and anxieties–like plunging into cold water that makes you gasp for breath. You simply are brought to another mental space that is free of all that was previously on your mind.

These days, the physical aspects of my yoga practice are limited. But the lessons of yoga go well beyond standing up straight and being flexible.

It was Becky at the Audubon Yoga Studio who put me solidly on my yogic path. Becky once told our class of an incident that happened while she was in Pune, India studying under B.K.S. Iyengar. One day, some of the students got bummed out over something or other. Without realizing it, they began moping around–walking with their shoulders sunk in and their heads down. Mr. Iyengar saw this and bellowed, “Look up! Look up!”

It is Mr. Iyengar’s opinion that the mere act of looking up toward the sky can in and of itself improve your mood. Something so simple seemed so silly. But by looking up, one automatically throws one’s shoulders back and “opens one’s chest.” This creates space, and, according to Mr. Iyengar, this space leads to positive energy.

And damned if this simple rule hasn’t worked for me time and again. Positive energy? An open chest? Creating space? I don’t know what is going on physically, mentally or physiologically, but I do know that the simple act of looking up helps, even if just a little bit, with my depression and anxiety.

As I lay on the exam table getting the ultrasound Thursday and was told that Sun’s neck is hyper-extended, that she is perpetually looking up, I couldn’t help but hear Mr. Iyengar in the back of my mind admonishing his students to do the same. As worrisome as Sun’s neck situation is to me, I hold on to a deep hope I have for Sun–that she not suffer with anxiety the way her mother does and that she knows the positive results that come from looking up. And maybe all this time she is spending looking up is putting her on a path she will instinctively follow for her life–one of seeing that glass as half full.

Over the weekend, I had very little problems with my back aching. And then Monday, it flared up again. It actually hurt pretty bad–bad enough that I left work early to get horizontal. The yoga and hot bath did very little to help–this was the first time I really could get no relief. Then I woke up Tuesday morning and thought I had a dart in my back–below my waist, on my right side. And from the dart emanated a sharp shooting pain down to the back of my knee whenever I took a step or turned or sat or stood or whatever. This was really bad. I got to work and bent over to get creamer out of the refrigerator when the electronic dart hit me again. I sucked in my breath and involuntarily dropped an expletive, a bad expletive, THE bad expletive. The ladies in the room stopped talking and turned to see what was wrong with me. I apologized profusely. I curse far more than I should, but I usually am in control of what words come out of my mouth and when. I decided right then I’d better call my doctor. This was not what I’d been dealing with to date.
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I am 5 months pregnant and my back is killing me. Now, counting those 5 months is CRAZY. When I got pregnant, I tried to guess my due date before the doctor told it to me. What a joke! I counted nine months from the date of conception. WRONG. So the very first thing I learned about being pregnant is that I was pregnant for two weeks that I was NOT PREGNANT. What??? They count from the first day of your last period. Well, that was crazy. In my case, that day was more than 2 weeks before my date of conception. But whatever. Then I learned that I’d be pregnant for 40 weeks. By my math (40/4), that’s 10 MONTHS. Oh boy. So it’s 40 “10 week months” or 9 “calendar months.” Alls I know is that it’s a lot easier to go by weeks. I mean, I find conflicting info on even how long a trimester is — some say the first trimester is 12 weeks, others 14. So though I am saying I am 5 months pregnant, what I really mean is that I am in my SIXTH (calendar) month, with 5 (calendar) months behind me. Get it? Me neither. Let’s just say I am wrapping up Week 21.

So what’s this got to do with my back? Well, from about week 5 (3 weeks of ACTUALLY being pregnant), I started having lower–I mean really low–back pain. I hadn’t gained any weight and couldn’t understand it. Pregnancy Fact No.3 that I learned is that apparently your pregnant body creates a hormone that loosens and softens the soft tissue and whatnot in your lower back to make room for the growing baby. Great. So my sacrum is outta whack. I was once a devoted yogi, and I knew I needed to start practicing again to strengthen and stretch my back. But, man, I was (and still am) TIRED ALL THE TIME. But I did the yoga and the pain was better. Oh, did I mention I haven’t been in heels for months now, too? Because the pain was better, I slacked off the yoga.

For a solid week now, my back’s been killing me again. I have gained a total of 7 pounds so far (doing pretty good, I thought!) but it hurts to sit, sleep, walk, stand. IT HURTS ALL THE TIME. Except when I am having a hot bath–which a pregnant woman should not do (New Pregnancy Fact No. 4). So now I balance it–I suffer and I take quick hot baths when I can’t take it any longer. And I deal with the guilt that gives me. The doctor recommends I wear a “maternity belt” (and maybe I will try one), but I think that I don’t need a belt, I need EXERCISE. But I am so LAZY and TIRED that it is totally contrary to what I want to do when I actually have the time to do it.

So each day, I think, “how many more days?” Too many. Ugh.