The Unbearable Heaviness of Being
by Nola
I easily could have spent yesterday under the covers, having had daylight and my thoughts blocked out. But I had plans to visit family. So Sun and I spent the day in the country. Sun dipped her toes, and her hiney, in an icy pool and spent hours literally running around naked, humming, as I did my best to keep from falling apart.
These types of blues will not be rushed. They move from one item to the next, sizing up my entire life, past, current and future. What IS the point of life? The priest at the funeral said it’s about the people with whom we spend our time. But I feel that’s a bit lame. I mean, isn’t HOW I spent my time at least equally important, if not more, as WHO I spend it with?
I feel that the meaning of life is different for different people. And that’s why it’s such a tricky question. What’s the meaning of my life isn’t necessarily the meaning of your life or of the life of those we respect.
So then how do we know the meaning of our own lives? What is it for which I want to be remembered or respected? My legal work? My parenting? This silly blog? No one thing rises to the top as THE central focus of my life. And instead, I find myself measuring up short on any category taken alone. And on all taken together.
I am inspired to work harder, to love more, to be more alive–write, garden, cook, appreciate friends, visit family, LIVE. But it’s hard to do any of that when all I want to do is pull the covers over my head and delay one more day.
I may try to write a song out of this post.
“I find myself measuring up short on any category taken alone. And on all taken together.”
You’re down there, Ms. Babe, riding The Line as if it were a razor’s edge.
Buddha made it look easy from this far away, but that’s only after he reincarnated some 385 lifetimes. Yet, after all that boo’rah, the 1st Noble Truth to strike him with the sound of one hand clapping was this: Pain Is Real.
she’ll tell you the Wheel never stops.
2nd Noble Truth: we hurt because we want that which we cannot have, to wit: we want Life, the Univers and aw’dat to stop long enough for us to give it meaning, to make it our own thing. That is simply a physics impossibility. Not gonna happen, ask Termite (she Used to do physics
3rd Noble Truth: because we caused our own Pain we can also remedy it, we can un-cause it. And the way to liberate ourselves from this…
4th Noble Truth: The Eight Fold Path.
When you look that last one up, remember it is “right” not as opposed to “wrong”, but as single trim-tab: mindful.
As you may have notice, I sorta lost my mind–fullness. So perchance you can balance that last story with this one.
An old Jewish babe told me at Lilith Fair that God created Man & Woman. God named Man: Adam and Woman: Lilith. They were equal compliments in every regard save one: Adam had a small penis, which for him translated into Lilith being a bitchy. overbearing know-it-all. After finally having enough of Adam’s whining, God said OK Fine! God cast Lilith out of Eden, alone into the Wilderness, and proceeded to create another Woman to compliment Man. Only this time God invented Irony as Woman’s body was reversed inside out. It so grossed Adam out that HE went screaming out of Eden and into the Wilderness to find Lilith and beg her forgiveness. But She wouldn’t have any of it and always stayed a couple of mountaintops ahead of his pusillanimous rantings.
God was pretty fed-up with it all upon finally catching up with him, sooo God ripped out one of Adam’s ribs and created Eve: the ideal Mother of Sexual Capitalism. Lilith? Why, She is still out there raising Hell, waiting to help create this world as it gets handed to us. We just have to find Her, sometimes deep inside, sometimes wandering right next to us, sometimes on the infinite horizon, always there, always ready to partay.
That’s my story and I’m stickin’ to it
Oh and BTW…
I never really liked “The Incredible Lightness of Being” anyway, as much due to impressions of people who liked it a bit too much for my tastes.
Jus’sayin… sometimes we gotta cross The Line.
I remember a funeral I went to, an uncle who passed away after many miserable years fighting cancer. It was a huge funeral, he had many children and grandchildren, and, as a “pillar of the community” par excellence, it was literally standing room only at the service.
It was an open casket service. He looked rather peaceful, yet as hundreds of people filed by to pay their respects before they closed the casket and began the service,I came to a conclusion.
You can live a good life. You can touch the lives of many people and guide and launch your children into good and successful lives of their own; the kind of life where so many people come to your funeral that they spill out of the church. But, looking at him lying peacefully in his coffin, it hit me that, no matter what you do, no matter how many lives you touch, you end up in a effing box.
Does that mean we shouldn’t strive to lead a great life? That we shouldn’t do everything we can to help those whose lives we come in contact with? To raise our children to do the same?
Of course not. Otherwise we’d all be blowing our brains out the minute we exit the womb. I know that’s not particularly helpful, but, as Tony Soprano liked to say, “What can you do?”
In this moment when you so urgently want to live intensely and purposefully, do not forget the necessity to live slow, to love quietly, and give freely to all the changing wonders. Thinking of you and sending you warm thoughts.
You are leaving the world a better place by having been in it. I think that’s the goal.
Moondance´s last [type] ..The Sky Above and a Book to Love
Wow, I had this same exact feeling when the Japanese events happened. Am I living enough? How do I bring purpose? How do I change the world?
when my husband was ill and we knew his days were coming to an end, i asked him what he thought the meaning of life was. he stared off into space and then looked at me and said this: “i really don’t know what the meaning of life is. but what i do know, is loving every moment you have to live is a great start.”
termite´s last [type] ..blog on hold
I still haven’t found what I want to do in my life, what makes me truly happy. I’ve said that raising my children to be good people has been my goal. But, having done that… what now? It’s like my life is just now beginning – again.
Tara R.´s last [type] ..Old Black Water keep on rollin’…
I think the little termite says it best. I also tell myself that I don’t have to “save the world” to live a full and happy life. I think we put too much importance and too high expectations on ourselves.
Sending love & light to you.
Charlotte´s last [type] ..Spring has arrived
I don’t mean to say I need to change the world. My focus now is about what do I want to be eulogized? How do I want to be remember? What impact AM I leaving and what impact do I WANT to leave. I mean, I think I need to be more conscientious about what I want to accomplish, personally, professionally, charitably, and every other -ly that has any meaning to me. Now? It’s all a big BLAH with no real structure. Too much time spent watching TV and goofing online isn’t doing me any good.