Clean Slates and All
Well, this getting hacked has made me want to whitewash my blog and start fresh. So the Manifest Theme from WordPress is scratching my itch. I am certain that soon the oh, so white everywhere will start to hurt my eyes and I’ll want to jazz it up. But for now, this look seems right. To write, to wit.
My muscles are getting softer and my bones more brittle. Being the youngest gives me the ability to look ahead 2, 5, 6, 7 years and see what predicaments into which my body will be getting me.
My mother started to “shrink” about 15 years ago. We laughed that we were all getting taller than her even though we were no longer growing. Then arthritis, bursitis and bone spurs started to demand her attention. Now she’s just undergone shoulder replacement surgery. Overall, my family is healthy. But there are certain, common, ailments that we are slightly more at risk over–like osteoporosis.
I feel like I am falling apart–that I will follow the slow road to decline if I don’t TAKE ACTION NOW. I simply MUST exercise more, eat more green leafy vegetables, practice more yoga, walk my dog more often. Because unlike my mother who has already lived to raise her children and see grandchildren and great-grandchildren, I must stay together just to be sure Sun gets through school with me still in tack.
I was not ready to be a mother until I became one, at the age of 38. I have no real regret over not getting there sooner–it just wasn’t the hand I was dealt. But being an older mother does bring with it a bitter-sweetness: I, personally, am a better mother BECAUSE I am an older mother–I am more mellow, wiser, more patient–but BECAUSE I am an older mother, I have great trepidation about Sun’s future without her parents.
In 40 years, when Sun in my age, she will have, at best, two elderly parents and no siblings. When we die, she’ll be an orphan. Not to be melodramatic, but coming from a large family, it greatly pains me to think of my darling Sun alone. All alone. When these thoughts creep in, and they do often enough, I push them away by having faith. Faith that Sun will make the right kind of friends to see her through her entire life so that when we are gone, she’ll have her own family and a lifetime of good memories in which to seek comfort and love and strength.
But between now and then, I have GOT to get my ass in shape so that I can make the most of my life with the ones I love.