On Having it All
by
Summer’s over. How do I know? I am returning to my “normal” work schedule. Since returning from maternity leave 2+ years ago, I’ve worked in the office Monday, Wednesday and Friday of each week. For the summer, we started Sun in official daycare twice a week–Tuesdays and Thursdays, the days I usually watched her. So I worked in the office Mondays, Tuesdays and Thursdays all summer. Starting next week (Sun’s “school” is closed this week), I return to my MWF in the office/TTh home with Sun routine.
I never got used to my summer schedule, nor did the folks in my office. So I think we are all glad to return to normal.
Sun LOVES her daycare, and so do we. Aside from the first-six-months-expect-her-and-us-to-be-sick, we are all very pleased with daycare entering our lives. So much so, in fact, that I’ve begun to consider returning to a five-day-a-week-in-the-office schedule come January.
Except every time I get serious about it, I get a stomachache.
I LOVE my time spent with Sun on T-Th. I love that my work life is able to handle this flexibility. And I want to believe that even if I return to five days a week, I’ll leave early each day so that Sun’s not in school from 9 til 6. That way, I’d be giving more to my office-time than I am now, but still not 40 hours a week.
I hate that money is a part of this equation. But it is. A part. Not the entire decision. Yes, I’ll earn more, but it will also cost more to have her in daycare every day. But my increased earnings should more than make up for that. We need work done around the house: we’ve put off several big necessary projects because of money. And when our water heater broke this week, it mattered how we’d pay for it.
As it is, I see no vacations for the next 16+ months, or at least none that will require airfare and a hotel. Because I’d rather get things done around the house than travel. And that’s whether I return full time to the office or not.
Money aside, I feel it’s my duty to “hit the pavement” more to bolster my practice. To transition into a senior partner, one that provides herself and at least one associate attorney with enough work for each to earn well and be consistently busy. Somewhere in me, this IS my professional goal. I am not completely content where I am, capable of not being in the office more than I am now.
I stand here today ostensibly having it all–the perfect balance of a work life and a personal life with very healthy relationships in each. And yet there is a quiet rumbling within. A rumbling that is rising to the surface, getting a wee bit louder each month.
Maybe that stomachache is fear. Is that weird?
absolutely not. i applaud you for being honest.
in this day and age that we live in, most women can’t ‘have it all’
not in one sitting, most of the time anyway – but in different phases of life.
enjoy your family, your work and life in general. ..
and sometimes, go out on a limb – it’s where the fruit is.
.-= termite´s last blog ..my friend drew. =-.
Transitions are never easy but usually well worth the stomach aches.
.-= Ed´s last blog ..Bigger =-.
Don’t know if this helps or even if you wish to hear any advice at this point.. but, I’ve worked part-time for the last 19 years, since the day my son was born. Long term part time work is a wonderful thing indeed. I’ve worked anywhere from 19-32 hours a week depending on the work contract. (Of course, this means working quite a bit of unpaid overtime, but overall it is possible to keep the overtime to a certain level.) Even if your child does not need you 24/7, or even during the days they are in daycare or later school, if you can manage to continue to work part-time over a long period of time, the quality of your life is wonderful.
I used to take the time when the children were at daycare and I was at home to find some balance to a busy life; which translates to just having some unscheduled time. Now that my children are teenagers, I use the time to contribute to community and various creative projects. We’ve managed to live very modestly over the last 20 years. We have given up a few of our dreams, but we do live good lives of service to family and others… working part-time has allowed that. It’s a political statement. It’s one of the few things I got right.
.-= lilalia´s last blog ..New Fund Raising Event Format =-.
The grass is always greener…
I’ve been fantasizing about how to work part time.
There’s never enough money. We live modestly, but I still feel like I need to take home more: There’s college and retirement to think of.
.-= Margaret´s last blog ..Mmmm…S’mores =-.
Ooh, that famous stomach ache fear! I’ve been living that for years and it’s both nauseating and exciting and scary at the same time. I obviously can’t tell you the answer or even know the right one, but I can say that it’s so awesome you CAN have both work and family right now. =) People dream of that! Isn’t it ironic that too many choices causes more panic than no choice at all?
.-= Jane Moneypenny´s last blog ..Wanderlust =-.
you have lots of time to work but not so much time with Sun. I made the mistake of working through all my children’s childhoods and I regret it.
.-= leendaluu´s last blog .. =-.
I just started Zuzu in preschool last week (MWF). She’s already home with the flu. I guess it will be like this for a few months. *sigh* Anyway, I love the balance of work/kids so far, and things would probably be perfect if I hadn’t taken on this damn construction project. Ugh.
.-= Pistolette´s last blog ..In Over My Head =-.