And So It Goes
by
In my career
There are stops and goes
As so decided by learned judges.
And so it goes
in my unopposed practice
I get few stops and lots of goes.
But the stops
Leave their marks on me
Not unlike the purpling of my sprained ankle.
The stops leave me feeling as though
I am the worst attorney in the world.
And when these self-same stops become goes
Why is it
I ask myself
That the goes do not leave me feeling as though
I am the best attorney in the world.
I know in fact
I am neither the best attorney in the world nor the worst.
But can’t it be that I have the glow of success on my face
Just as I had the pitch of failure on it days ago?
And so it goes
That I will always judge myself
More critically on my failures
Than my successes.
I think we are all ultra-critical of ourselves and never give credit for a job well done. That seems to be human nature.
Tara R.’s last blog post..Is it better to tell?
Word!
I’ve been there, very recently. Lost 2 motions in 2 days the week before last, and my ears were burning with anger and shame for days and days. I cannot STAND to lose! And even all the colleagues who were in the hearing room saying I was robbed didn’t help. I just had to get over it.
Of course the 4 or 5 I won during those 2 days? Cold comfort, completely forgotten as I rehashed the losses over and over and over!
suz’s last blog post..The Weight on my Shoulders
This is remarkable. Really nice.
Oh, and we are always our own worst critics. Like a friend in college told me once–don’t be bummed. (Somehow it worked.)
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Two paths of thought provoked:
First, I think this comes from how we are raised, and whether our parents focussed more on correcting weakness and failure or more on promoting strengths and success. So now one must think about the parent voice growing in Sun’s head, and whether it is more praising or more critical.
Second, perhaps you are withholding the carrots from yourself and only using the stick. Some fairly small, like having the car all washed, as a reward that can also amplify feeling good about oneself, does wonders. I knew a salesman that told me the only way he could take all the rejection in an average day was to start with a spotless clean car and maybe even a barber-shave (or for girls, maybe a pedicure) to help feel successful.
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Self-praise is difficult; very difficult. I loved the way you wrote this.
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