Education Lamentation
by
Sun is a year and a half. I have been going to open houses for her grammar school. I KNOW I am way early. But I am a worrier and a planner. So there you have it.
Before I selected the schools to view, I talked to friends in the know and got their recommendations. Ultimately, I will visit six schools. Three because they are in the neighborhood and I feel I owe them a fair shake. The other three came highly recommended.
The first I attended was one on the Highly Recommended list. I liked it. It didn’t WOW me. But it didn’t deter me either.
Then I went to the second school. And then the third. Both being close to my house and Catholic.
Not to go off on a tangent, but in New Orleans, there is a VERY SMALL number of good public schools. We do not live in those districts, and to get in those schools when you don’t live in the district is hard and not predictable. So, private school is much more the option. And privately, you can go religious or not. Generally speaking, the Catholic schools are more prevalent, more affordable, and offer solid educations. My husband and I both went through Catholic grammar and high schools as children; it is what we know and are familiar with, so such schools lead the pack for us.
The two schools I visited after that first school were nice enough. They just fell short for me in one way or another. One was too suburban and non-diverse, racially, and the other was way too small. Both had what appeared to be mediocre pre-K classes as compared to the classes offered at what will be Sun’s daycare.
So three down, three to go. The top two recommended are likely to be where I will make a decision from.
My point?
Through this process, my husband commented that we are doing FAR MORE than most parents do in this search. That neither of our parents did these open houses, they plopped us in the closest school to our houses and voila. And we turned out just fine. He says I need to relax, that our focus on education will be her guiding light as she grows.
Bah, I say. I could not disagree with him more. Sure, I did well from an educational standpoint. And two of my siblings also have advanced degrees. But two do not have a college degree and it has a direct impact on their lives today. And sure, our focus on education will HELP Sun know its importance. But let’s face it, as she gets to be deciding about high school and college, it will NOT be our opinion that matters as much as her friends. Sure, we could DEMAND she go to the high school we choose. But she could just as easily rebel by doing poorly at that school. Just ask my cousin about how to do that.
And who her friends will be are those kids she’s in school with, at the grammar school that IS completely in my power to select. So if I KNOW the grammar school is a feeder school for a rock-solid high school, then doesn’t it make sense to put her in that grammar school? If the suburban school is going to feed to a mediocre high school (one that is ok but not one of the best), then why even tempt those fates?
We all want what’s best for our children. And I cannot guarantee Sun will go to college or love to read. CS did not finish college. I GET that a college degree is not a piece to the puzzle of happiness. But such a degree is another arrow in her quiver.
So, is it wrong to stack Sun’s educational deck to the advantage I want it to have?
Not at all. J and I bought our first house here in a mediocre school district because it was cheaper and we weren’t planning on having children. .
then we did.
So I screened daycares and home daycares like I was picking lice out of a scalp (sorry)…and went with the one in which we thought the girls would best thrive, even though it was UBER-UBER expensive (think exclusive liberal arts tuition on a yearly basis).
Then we up and moved before kindergarten because we could. I had some guilt about it since because I felt I was failing the other children there by pulling my kids and my tax dollars out of that district so that my lucky kids could go to a better school.
Not everyone has our options, but maybe because we do and we exercise them, one of our children will grow up to be the next Eleanor Roosevelt or Madame Curie…..
Don’t second guess yourself. You are right.
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I don’t think so at all. Right now, my husband and I are considering giving up our home and renting somewhere in district to one of the better, more desirable schools here in New Orleans. Additionally, I have considered the education system as one of the reasons we leave New Orleans. It is also the reason that I want to go back to school this fall and become a teacher. I think that you are being very smart in your approach. Quite frankly, I wish we had the resouraces available right now so that my daughter could go to one of the catholic schools. She has asked, because she is really interested in God and Jesus.
That makes me smile!
Amy’s last blog post..Bits of Randomness
You’ve got my vote! I stressed about where to send Linus. Visited multiple places, filled out apps just in case we didn’t get our #1 choice, etc. You’ll never regret spending money on a good education. Just remember it’s more than simply academics. Look at it from all angles.
I moved to NJ to get a great public school. I don’t regret it.
You never know what is going to be the right fit for your kid, but if you don’t do enough due diligence beforehand, you will feel personally responsible for her failure to excel any time she is “only average.” You do it as much for yourself as you do for her. If you have the resources (money, time, education) to evaluate a choose a school, you can do what some parents can’t do. And that doesn’t make it wrong.
Good Luck.
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In 5th-7th grades, I attended St. Matthew the Apostle. I never fit in there. I showed up in 5th grade when everyone else there had been there since at least 3rd. I was very short for my age, and sort of young for my grade. That in combination with the many of the other students having been held back at least once made me physically much less mature than the other students (boys). Also, I was fat. Also, thye were all very mean.
The school gave me a good education, but I didn’t have any friends there. And every single one of those mean kids (again, the boys) wanted to go to Rummel. I had alreay long known I wanted to continue the famility tradition of going to Jesuit, but these kids reinforced that I wanted to go there. (Going to Jesuit = not going to Rummel).
In the end, I graduated from Jesuit, got a physics degree from Tulane and a Masters of Science in Civil Engineering from LSU (and I’m not sure that I’m stopping there) while most of them either failed out of Rummel, got kicked out of Rummel, or never got accepted to Rummel in the first place.
Theere’s no way of knowing wether or not she’ll want to go to High School with all the other students from her grammar school class or not.
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I don’t think anything you can do to give your children a better chance is wrong (well, you know within reason and legal). Especially when it’s as basic as providing them with the best possible education you can. Good hunting!
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I commend your efforts in pursuing this early. I don’t think there is anything wrong with doing your best to lay the best foundation for your child possible. After living in Massachusetts for over a year, we finally bought a home in a specific town because of the good schools and many of the reasons you mentioned here.
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She can go to ISL – it’s a BESE Charter so you don’t have to live in Orleans. It’s kind of wacky, but my kids love it. I vote public magnet where possible, but that’s because I have an awful opinion of Catholic schools. And yes, it’s New Orleans. You have to start obsessing before they’re born.
You’re not too early, and you’re not paranoid. Where I live, everyone starts that early. My baby is only 1 year and I started shopping for her preschools already. When we were kids it WAS easier for parents to just enroll their kids wherever, but back then you just showed up with a birth certificate, a kid, and a check on enrollment day. These days they want letters of recommendation and IQ tests (what an absurd scam) a year or more in advance. Pretentious much? Anyway, I refuse to get stressed over this. I’ll apply to the good public schools, and a few Catholic and private schools, and whatever happens, happens. The best learning is done during home hours anyway, imho. My hubby and I went to Catholic schools and we’re both perfectly well-adjusted agnostics
pistolette’s last blog post..Next Gen Local Farmers
@pistolette I have always thought that Catholic school knocked the religion out of me quite nicely!
(Read on someone’s facebook recently: “Can we agree that Jesus made me an athiest?”)
You have to think are the kids at her daycare going to persuade you where she goes to grammar school? It works that way, too. Also, high schools change from year to year. Even if those grammar schools feed into a good high school, now, will it be a good high school when she is ready for it? The big reason I am not concerned with high schools at this point, at all. I will keep an ear out about the schools, but I am not going to be making any decisions about that until Amber is in 8th grade.
As you know, Amber goes to the one school we looked at. Oh sure I tried to look at other programs, but once I walked into a school found no adult and sleeping children on the floor I knew that school wasn’t for us. Or the school that had an unlocked side door. I didn’t know how much I would like or dislike our school until Amber was knee deep into it. You never know until you try.
I have no problem with planning ahead, but don’t jump the gun so to speak.
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I have 2 kids, 7 and 5 and lots of friends with same age kids. I think that alot of my friends worry WAY too much about whether this school is “better” than that school, etc. Especially b/c we live in a town where ALL the schools are good. The kids are going to make their own path no matter what. And I think we fool ourselves when we think we have so much control over this particular situation. But mostly it’s in God’s hands. I think a neighborhood Catholic school is a great thing…especially if the kids can go to school with kids they see in their neighborhood. Even if it’s not the # 1 ranked school. There are some things that can’t be ranked! Good luck, and don’t stress out!!
I think there’s absolutely nothing wrong with doing research, but that’s also how similar you and I are. =) But I agree that after awhile, you just got to go with your gut! Just like when you visit a college, you just havae that feeling if it’s right or not. My parents knew absolutely nothing, since we had just moved to America 3 years prior and they based it on where all our family friends had sent their kids. It turned out fine, so I say do whatever you want to let you sleep better at night! Don’t worry. =)
I am getting stressed out just thinking about it.
[...] I returned again this year to the Open House of the grammar school we want Sun ultimately to attend. I walked away confident in our decision to send her there for grammar school but prefer where she is now for preschool. However, I have since learned that her current school does not offer a 3-day-per-week program like it does for toddlers. Soooo, either school, we’ll be paying for her to attend five days a week. And since her current school would then cost TWICE as much as her new school, the decision has been made to make the switch in the Fall. [...]