The Gift of Perspective
Apr 29th, 2008 by Nola
I was 37 when Sun was born. I am the youngest of five children (my mother was 29 when I was born), and all four of my siblings had their respective two children when they were younger than 37. My sister, who is just three years older than me, is a new grandmother. My grandfather was just 50 when I was born.
What I am saying is that my family tends to have children when they are young. The one exception to this was my father’s mother. She was 33 when my father was born and 37 when her twins were born. And that grandmother was always the “old” one.
Since Sun was born, I have always felt like an old mom. I know that mostly means to me that I am more mature, more experienced, more settled, more mellow. But superficially I worry about not connecting with Sun as she is older; about being old when she marries and has children of her own (if that is to be her path in life).
I married someone who is the oldest child in his family. His mother is 10 years younger than my mother. Ten years–from being born in 1940 to being born in 1950. Can you imagine the differences in my mother and my mother-in-law? Compare June Cleaver to Carol Brady. Both nice and motherly but in starkly different ways, and both ways very different from my path as a mother.
I also have a sister-in-law that is a freshman in college; she just turned 20. My MIL and my SIL are very close, more like sisters than mother/daughter. And sometimes it annoys me but as SIL gets older, I find myself a bit jealous of their closeness. It is nothing I will ever share with my own mother, with whom I have a good relationship.
I think about Sun and how we’ll be as she grows up. And I have been envious of the bond my MIL and SIL share, thinking that I will miss that because I will be too old when Sun is SIL’s age. But I am envious no more. Why? Because being the smart bugger that I am, I asked MIL how old she was when she had her daughter (I am not good at math). And she told me she was 36. “Your age,” she answered. Well, one year off from when I had Sun, but YES, MY AGE!
Age IS what it is in your mind. And my MIL is simply NOT OLD (she loved me just a bit more for blurting that out). And dammit NEITHER AM I. Nor will I be when I too am 57. Frankly, Bring. It. On. I have no doubt I will just be even more mellow and confident then. And my MIL? She’ll still be visiting regularly kicking it old school with me (and Sun)!
Sun will keep you young. Children do that, if we let them.
Sophmom’s last blog post..Outside the fence
I believe that age is more a product of who you are outside. I don’t care about the gray hair and wrinkles so much as I do feeling alive on the inside, being happy and optimistic. Being pessimistic and depressed makes me feel old.
Stephen’s last blog post..Free Hugs campaign
I always say, you are as old as you feel. Some days I feel 100 years old (today perhaps) others I feel like I am 12 and don’t have a care in the world.
I worry about that age difference if I ever get to have kids. I am hoping that it will be sooner rather than later, but the way it is looking now? It isn’t going to happen.
the saying goes that if you worry about not becoming something, you’re already on the way to preventing it. I was 36 when my youngest was born, and we connect just fine now that he’s 13.
Compare June Cleaver to Carol Brady.
that’s an excellent analogy!
YatPundit’s last blog post..L’Academie de Sacre Coeur
I actually thought you were much younger. That is the same sort of age gap between Allison and her mother. (by the way, Allison actually did end up showing up at cooters… right after you left).
Ryan’s last blog post..Street Closures for North American Leaders Summit
I thought you were much younger! You have a heart and soul of a wise early 30s woman.
You’re my idol, for sure!
Jane Moneypenny’s last blog post..Quarterlife & Then Some
Your whole post I was shaking my head agreeing with you about being able to connect with my boys when they are older.. because I am an older mom too… Thanks for the up lifting post.. there is hope !!!
Kim’s last blog post..Pity Party is Over – Super Hero Saved the Day
I don’t know if this is even relevant, but I feel such an urgency to become a Dad now probably due to the fact my own mother passed when I was 10. I want to be a young, healthy parent.
If that makes any sense.
All that aside, age is just a number. A cliche, but one for a reason.
Xbox4NappyRash’s last blog post..Allez Les Bleus!
So true- You’ll stay young. I was a young mom with my son, and now am older with my daughter. They both have pros and cons, but I will NOT be an old acting mom, I’ve seen those parents who can’t relate to their kids. We won’t ever be like that.
Nissa’s last blog post..Cajun fashion revealed…
I’m torn. I can’t decide if my kids are keeping me young or killing me faster. I, too, was a late bloomer…35 when I had Zoe. (Well, my wife had Zoe but you know what I mean. ) My wife was 37.
Ed (zoesdad)’s last blog post..The Best Things in Life
Dance and act goofy with your kids and you will never feel old. And they won’t think you are either!
mybayouvieux’s last blog post..Women’s Consignment Sale
I had my two children when I was 32 and 37. Your concerns are valid. Your enthusiasm to overcome persuasive. If I was to give you one piece of advice for later years, certainly the school years; be active and participate in activities that show your particular skills and do not try to compete with the younger moms. For example, the younger moms always tried to get me to be parent speaker in the PTA (rather thankless job), but I would decline and instead contribute in other ways that they couldn’t. I am great with drills and tools so I would build the class stage for the end of the year play, instead of baking the cakes for the bake sale. You have to figure out what part of your character and interests can shine for Sun, rather than just lose yourself in the wash.
lilalia’s last blog post..Fickle Friends
Lilalia has great advice.
There’s a 30-year difference between me and the little guy, but I honestly never thought about being an “old mama”. It is just a number, and has nothing much to do with how you connect with your child. It has to do with how well you consider your child and her needs, and how responsive you are to that – and it is also why it is a lifetime job, because that relationship can and will change over time.
Roll with those changes and just be who you are. Those are, truly, the best gifts you can give Sun!
Oh my gosh, I’ve never thought of you as old at all! From the way we can talk and laugh on the buzz (and same goes with so many people I’ve met around the blogosphere), it goes to show you age IS really just a number.
Huckdoll’s last blog post..K-I-S-S-I-N-G
Age is just a number. I wanted to be a young mom – but sometimes, I wish I hadn’t done is *so* young.
Maria’s last blog post..White is Alright?
fab!!! and my mom and i are great friends b/c we’re both amazing women, not b/c of her age. i would love her no matter her age. you guys will be fab!!
jameil1922′s last blog post..Drawer Full of Joy
I was just thinking about age! It occurred to me that if we have anymore children, which we are hoping will happen, I’ll be old enough to be the mother of some of the moms dropping their kids off at kindergarten. Ouch!
My grandmother was older, especially for her generation, when she had her children. Somebody recently asked me how old Memere was when she died. Without even thinking about it, I said, “She was young. She was only 88.” They laughed that I thought 88 was young, but I really think having children at an older age, and having grandchildren (she was VERY active with us) at an older age kept her young. Does that make sense?
I’m hoping since I’m an older mom with Linus, that I’ll remain young too. Even if I did discover crow’s feet around my eyes the other night. Man, that sucked!
Lanny’s last blog post..An Extra Drink or Two
Age is just mind over matter… if you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter. How old would you be, if you didn’t know how old you were? Just have fun with Sun, your age won’t make any difference to her.
Tara R.’s last blog post..Random Wednesday
one of the best posts I have read in a long long time.
my only regret about having Sugar as late as I did (30) is that my parents, her grandparents will most likely be gone before she marries. That will be sad for me, as I had all my grandparents still alived when I married.
corey’s last blog post..Three Corners~ April
Well, you know my story. Cliche though it is, I believe everything happens (or doesn’t) for a reason. I don’t have kids but I certainly know alot of people who do! IMHO, just from observation, I think older parents make better parents (generally speaking). They have experience on their side and are more patient, mature and settled. And mothers like you who had such a hard time conceiving really know the value of the young lives entrusted to them.
And, hey, 37 is far from old….you still have the fabulous forties to look forward to! I loved my forties!
Charlotte’s last blog post..Shoes Tra-la-la!
I never thought of you as an older mom either! She will keep you young indeed. I’ve worked with both young and old moms, and age really is a state of mind
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