Still Missing Hopedale
Apr 21st, 2008 by Nola
I keep thinking of my grandparents fishing camp in Hopedale. I still think of it as existing, as housing chiffarobes and roll-a-way beds, crab nets and fishing poles, seafood pots and Styrofoam beer huggies. I can still see the spot of kitchen floor tile that sank as a result of Hurricane Betsy. I spent two weeks a year as a youth fitting my foot in that pitting. I’ll even still smell it from time to time–a stale briny scent.
My 88 year old grandfather does not miss his camp. Prior to Katrina, it was needing a lot of work and in many ways was more of a burden than a joy to him. I wish there were more pictures of it. I wish the pictures that were in it when Katrina hit were with us now.
When I have trouble sleeping, I imagine myself back at the camp. I let the pitch-darkness envelope me and then I listen for the drone of the a/c window unit.
I guess what I am saying is that although things are overall better for me, I am still feeling out of sorts. I am having trouble concentrating–reading, knitting, getting things ready for a visit from my in-laws this weekend (which I am excited about)–and feel tired all the time. I don’t feel depressed, but it sure sounds like I am, doesn’t it?
Have you been depressed before? Maybe you’re just tired, dawlin’.
i know what u are going through…except i have been missing my gram’s house which was destroyed in katrina…that house provided much solitude for me….it was my refuge when life hit me hard and i didn’t have the strength to fight back…i too was comforted by the sound of the drone from the a/c window units and it lulled me to sleep each and everytime…and somehow each time i left her home, my life’s path seemed a little bit clearer…i miss those days more than anything…
It’s hard to look back on the mental sights and sounds of special places like that. I often think back on moments sitting in my grandma’s tiny, humid condo in Florida. Sometimes I wish I could just go back, just for a moment to take it all in again…
Sandy (Momisodes)’s last blog post..Nine in Twenty-Four
The good news is, I don’t think you’re depressed. Having been through it, you sound way more chipper than I ever did.
You just sound drained and in need of a vacation or a breather. It’s spring! Take a day off and do something relaxing. I’m workaholic but on occasion when we had an ice storm or I got to leave work really early, it did wonders.
Whenever I hit those moments of not being able to concentrate or sleep or just missing the past, I look at old pictures of anything and after some random crying (which isn’t often), I fall asleep and feel better in the morning.
Hope you feel better soon!
Jane Moneypenny’s last blog post..Financing an Adventorous Girl
I don’t think anyone would not be forgiven for feeling out of sorts with those memories.
Xbox4NappyRash’s last blog post..Ellie
It sounds like you need some rejuvenation.
Maybe more melancholy, than depression. There are a lot of memories there, good and bad. Sometimes it can be difficult to separate these out so you can enjoy the happy times without dwelling on the sad.
Tara R.’s last blog post..The family that tattoos together, stays together
Maybe get together with the uncles and brothers and start reviving the property a little bit at a time. An old trailer or a single-wide; after a few years, if it’s being enjoyed, look into rebuilding. Just know insurance is probably not going to be in the picture and plan accordingly.
I’m so sorry to read that. I wish there was something I could to help. I won’t pretend like I understand because I have suffered so little compared to the many here, but know that care.
If you’re free Friday we can do coffee again or something. I’m not allowed to take a shower for a week (though we have an elaborate hair washing scheme planned) and I can’t wear deoderant on one side, but I’m still up for something if you need a break from life and or good smelling things.
Let me know. I’m thinking about you.
Katie’s last blog post..The boobectomy
I used to do that when I got homesick, and imaging myself in my childhood bedroom (which no longer existed). I wondered if I recreated every sight and smell and sound and the way the breeze fell through the open window, I could open my eyes and be there, and all the troubles of the world no more than a dream.
Maybe it’s good therapy. Is it too late for PPD? Your affect in person makes me think it’s not depression, but your blog posts show you have a lot of heavy stuff going on, so it not unusual to feel sad.
I hope it gets better. Cherish the memories, you can share them in detail with Sun when she gets older.
What a lovely memory, Nola. It is sad, though that you don’t have the pictures you miss, but I’m sure it will always stay with you, pictures or no.
Big Hugs!
You know your blog always makes me miss Louisiana.. *sigh*
Nissa’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday - Morning ritual?
Feel happier, soon.
Maria’s last blog post..I’m really not that interesting…