A Green Mommy Mayday
Jan 7th, 2008 by Nola
Having a baby means having a lot of STUFF. I am now a pack mule when I leave the house with Sun. My huge baby bag is stuffed with a bottle, water, formula, diapers, wipes, spare clothes, plastic bags, antiseptic hand cleaner, teething rings, and my stuff (kleenix, wallet, keys, cell phone). Then there is her carrier. That thing weighs as much as her.
Now I know I am preaching to the choir to all you moms. My point isn’t that I need a lot of stuff. Stay with me. . . .
Two very good friends loaned/gave us baby stuff galore. Much of which has been invaluable and things I didn’t know existed. We are the recipients of a gymini, an exersaucer, a manual breast pump, a swing, a bouncer, a bath tub, toys, toys, toys, and lots of clothes. So many toys and clothes, in fact, that I’ve had to stow them until Sun was the right size/age for many of them.
About every six weeks, I go through Sun’s closet and put aside the things she’s outgrown and replenish with things she now can use. Except it never ceases to fail that there are things she is already beyond by the time I pull it out for her. There is SO MUCH STUFF that she was given that there’s NO WAY she can ever wear all the clothes or play with all the toys.
And it all just wears me out. Many of the toys she has are Baby Einstein and the like–quality stuff that are supposed to ignite her brain. And I can’t even remember she has them to give to her. Or, at this point, she has so many of these items, how can she benefit from or attach herself to more than a select few?
I continue to find myself that oddball mother. The mother that DOESN’T want all the latest and greatest toys; the one that doesn’t want designer clothes and expensive shoes for her baby. The one that likes most of all her second-hand food press more than the brand new and stylish pedipeds (whose tagline is “the next best thing to bare feet”–and if that is so, then shouldn’t Sun’s feet BE BARE?).
It isn’t that I mind all the STUFF. It’s that so much of it seems so very unnecessary. And I hate this feeling of consuming beyond my needs. For example, we were given two second-hand Baby Bjorns. And we were also given a brand new hip hammock. I am now trying to find a new home for the second Bjorn and have decided to return the hammock. Yes, the hammock may be the easiest on us carrying Sun, but I cannot justify the excess.
It all wigs me and out and gives me the willies. It’s ALL TOO MUCH. But I feel like some tree-hugging elitist hippie and very un-motherly. Any advise from any “green” mommies out there? How do you balance your core beliefs with what is marketed as being “needed” for your baby?
If you’re the oddball mother, then so am I.
Since I have a lot of friends with babes near the age of mine, I get a lot of secondhand stuff. That’s great since it keeps me from buying things I need, and if it’s something I don’t need then I pass it along to someone else or donate it.
I rotate things in and out of the closet too. If it’s something I don’t really want him to play with, I smile and say thank you, store it in the closet, then let it “move on” after a while. I haven’t yet figured out a way to keep some family from giving too much and/or unwanted things without hurting feelings.
I am the proud recipient of so many hand me downs I can’t even list them. I will tell you, though, that my latest was a fabulous bike trailer to tow my two kiddies behind my bike. The Nursery set I used for both kids were hand me downs from friends. All free! So many moms like to share what they have with other moms. I feel that I hate to just donate when I can give to another mom I know who may need it. I recently packed up two huge boxes of boy clothes for my college friend who lives in Boston. She is due in April with a boy and she got as much as I could pack in those boxes. Cost me about $25 to ship but she was glad to receive them. I also ship regularly to other friends in other states with girls younger than mine who can reuse the clothing. So pass it on! Try Craigslist. Seek out local daycares or mom’s clubs that might want the hand me downs. I don’t know if you have them in your area but we have Kid Consignment sales twice a year (Spring/Fall) to sell all that gear/stuff/junk. Keep you eyes open for one. Have fun sorting it all out! I do it regularly myself!
Relax, it slows down. When baby is new, everyone wants to give you gifts. Then it’s just on birthdays, and just your close friends and family. And the handme downs are great. I feel wonderfull giving a second life (or fourth or fifth) to many clothes that find their way into Owl’s closet. Once Sun stops growing so fast, she will have time to wear, playwith everything before she outgrows it. But pass it on.. you are not obliged to keep anything past the first time you let the gift giver see you use it.
I also felt vaugly unpatriotic that I did not revel in the acoutrements of babyhood. But you and CS set up the life you want for your new family, and the values you want to live. So if you find yourselves giving more than you are keeping, enjoy it. There are more people who would get only joy out of what makes you uncomfortable.
And don’t bother telling people to stop. They won’t heed you.
Hubby and I would often be halfway through a trip (to a local restaurant or a whole day’s adventure, it didn’t matter) when we would find we’d neglected to pack something for Owl to play with, or eat, or whatever. We discovered he didn’t need it as much as we thought, and that you can find kid friendly food easier then you think. It’s more challenging to make do with less (sometimes), but babies are more forgiving than we think.
There is SO MUCH STUFF that she was given that there’s NO WAY she can ever wear all the clothes or play with all the toys.
I already feel this way, and mine isn’t even born yet. I don’t think babies need all this stuff, but convincing my family and friends to NOT buy me all of it was impossible. So now I have a room FULL of stuff, and like you said, I doubt I’ll remember I have it in time to give it to her.
The rules I more or less followed over the years about keeping stuff the kids inherited: 1) furniture and devices, only if they are useful and work without batteries, 2) clothes, only enough in the drawers for a week’s worth of changes, Everything Else give away to someone more in need, 3) toys, since water, dirt, and mud and a piece of rope are the best toys on this earth, keep toys to a minimum and certainly less than can fit on the few shelves or in a few boxes, the rest give away to people or institutions in need (e.g. hospital wards and schools really could use books CDs and cassettes; their budgets are never large enough).
I basically try to ignore all those messages about the things a baby/kid “needs.” I don’t always succeed, but I find I’m getting better at it as MrMan gets older and I get more experience under my belt. The result – my husband and I bought only two or three (small) gifts for MrMan for Christmas, as well as for his recent birthday. Part of that was because we knew he’d be getting stuff from various family members. Part of that is because we see the accumulation of stuff he already has. I make big use of the Children’s Clothing Exchange (ccexnola.com), which happens twice a year. As far as the diaper bag issue (yes, I recognize the irony of recommending another purchase), one of my fave things is my JJ Cole logic diaper bag. It slings across the chest, inexpensive, has a very slim profile, but manages to hold all the essentials. Part of adopting it was learning to downsize, but I’m so happy not to carry a huge wallet anymore. Lots of people compliment it and are surprised to find out it’s a diaper bag.
Thanks, ladies, for all of your suggestions and support. Sooo, Pistolette, does that mean you don’t want my hand me downs?
And to think, this raising a child thing will only get harder!
Unfortunately I can’t speak from my own exeriences, but I see what some of my friends go through. As a matter of fact I was just at a baby shower for twins, as you know, and I was suprised to see how much stuff she DIDN’T recieve! Its like you come so accustomed to thinking you need all this stuff b/c its all our there in the stores to be bought and you see it being gifted. Back in the day when all this stuff wasn’t around, parents and babies did just fine, right? I think you have the right idea…less is more.
} One of my girlfriends is sooo happy that she can actually leave the house with just her bag and not a diaper bag with a change of clothes, diapers and all that fun stuff. Her 2 boys are potty trained, 3 and 4 yrs old, so she is finally traveling ‘light’ again.
But I have to say, you are very lucky to have recieved so much as hand me downs and gifts though!
Good luck purging!!
}
Let’s remember some of that stuff is on loan.
i’m not green, by any stretch of the imagination but…from experience…the kids don’t need all that stuff. they. just. don’t! it’s mostly the parents. they feel the need to get it for their kids! when my older ones were little, they were perfectly happy just playing with their toes!! ok, slight exaggeration but…not really!! when kids have so many things, they end up NOT knowing what to play with…it’s overwhelming! also, after my first son…who i bought super expensive clothes and things for…i realized, what a waste! those expensive baby clothes…he grew out of, in a second. so, with my 2nd and 3rd…target, hand-me-downs, old navy and sale stuff…because, what’s the point!? when they get a bit older, and they stop growing so fast, then nicer things my be in order but, when they are young…they outgrow and/or ruin!!
ok, off to blog roll you, now!
xoxo
shokufeh;
Thanks for the shout out for Children’s clothing Exchange! Our Fall sale is around the corner (september/october), so keep spreading the news. Word of mouth is our best advertiser. We have just about anything you may want/need for babies, toddlers and kids. Thanks again,
Ann