So, this nursing thing. Indulge me in yet another post on this topic. This one is a PSA for all those women who have no idea what to expect. ‘Cause that was me, and, boy, am I getting more than I ever, ever expected. And not in a good way.

I won’t cover ground I’ve already posted about–the engorging, the shields, the cracking and chaffing, the blisters. No, I am past all that.

This past Monday, Sun nursed four times. But the next day I was really sore so I backed off, she only nursed once in the evening. This was all very good. Then Wednesday, she nursed all day and I did not pump at all. “We made it,” I thought, “at long last.” And I was pleased. That’s all–pleased. I no longer let it mean too much to me whether she ever nursed or not–I was more concerned that she get the milk than with how she got it. But I admit that it was NICE, so nice, to have her nurse and to be able to cut out the middleman of the pump.

Then came Thursday. Sun was nursing. Things were going well. But then around 1:15, my breasts started to feel sore. No problem. I put cold packs on them to get some relief. By 1:30, however, I was in abject pain: My breasts felt like they had shards of glass in them along with fire. Yes, glass and fire. And I had the shakes. By the time the hubs got home (45 minutes later), I was running fever of over 102 degrees. My joints ached, my back and shoulders hurt, my muscles were sore, my eyes burned, and my head pounded.

I spent an hour in a tub of hot water shivering. Then more hours under the covers sweating. And in between, I talked to my OB and a lactation specialist. The prognosis was agreed upon: mastitis–an inflammation of the breast. Antibiotics and pain relievers were called in to the pharmacy.

The cause? Apparently when Sun started to nurse full-time, I should have kept pumping. Because I did not, my milk supply increased and I did not express enough milk. How can that make sense? When I was pumping only, I didn’t have enough milk to supply all of Sun’s needs in a day. I must have missed this tip in all that I’ve read and been told about nursing. Rrrr.

The solution? Keep nursing. Wha??? My breasts are so sore. They hurt just having a t-shirt on them. And I am supposed to let a baby nurse on them? The lactation specialist gave me this snappy advice, “Heat. Rest. Empty breasts.” If I can’t bring myself to have Sun nurse, then I need to pump again.

All I can think is, “Jane! Stop this crazy thing!” I want off this wild ride, but there seems to be no end in sight. All roads lead to nursing and pumping. Forever. I mean, once I am past this hurtle, how do I (1) wean to doing nothing, or (2) get to where I can nurse exclusively and pump only when away from Sun?

Oh, and I am told to eat yogurt every day lest I develop a yeast infection. Well, hell, I just KNOW I am gonna get one now. I mean, what is there left for me to endure in this attempt to get Sun to nurse?

I go back to work in four weeks. This has GOT to be resolved one way or another by then–I can’t pump for five hours a day at work. So I think we are going to go back yet again to the lactation specialists next week to get everything straightened out.

Wish me luck!