It started with my wedding ring. It stopped fitting about six weeks ago. At that time, I started to wear a ring usually worn on the middle finger of my right hand on the ring finger of my left hand.

Then it was my shoes. My shoe size is now an entire size larger than I usually wear. This means that only sandals and shoes that tie with laces fit me. And seeing as how I am due to have this baby in three weeks, I am too cheap to buy new shoes at this stage of the game.

So that means when I go to work, I can no longer wear dresses or suits with skirts. I work with a bunch of older men. And walking into the office in flip-flops–with my toes showing for God’s sake–is enough to send some of those men over the edge. And I am not woman enough to wear laced shoes with skirts. So that means I am all-pants at the office these days.

Now, I only have two pairs of maternity dress pants. I wore the black ones on Tuesday and was going to where the khaki ones today. CS ironed them for me (girls, find yourself a man that will iron for you–it is better than a man who cooks!). Then I slipped them on, zipped them up and went to button them. They wouldn’t button. Hmmm. Well, from my vantage point, I couldn’t see what the hold up was. So I asked CS, “Are they zipped all the way?” This was his response: “BAHHHAAAHAHAAA.” (Girls, find yourself someone who won’t laugh when you get too fat for your clothes, especially if the reason for that fat is really not fat but a baby inside you.)

So now not only is it my wedding ring and shoes, but my MATERNITY PANTS? I didn’t think it was possible to outgrow maternity pants! They fit last week. Why would they make pants for a pregnant woman that will stop fitting five weeks before her due date? Don’t they know how vulnerable she is at that stage? Are they that sick?

So it was back to the black pants. Poor folks at my office will have to endure seeing me in the same pair of pants two or three times a week for the next three weeks. Because if I won’t buy shoes that won’t fit in three weeks, I certainly won’t buy super-big maternity clothes.

Oh, and to top the morning o’ feeling fat off, the ring I’ve been wearing to replace my wedding ring? Yeah, it stopped fitting today, too.

So I am now down to three pairs of shoes that fit, one pair of work pants and no rings. It is a SAD DAY when your fat girl pants stop fitting. Indeed.