Today, I am off to a relative’s Redneck Wedding. This is wedding number three for the groom (my relative) and number two for the bride. The front of the homemade invitation really sums up a lot: It will be a “Harley Davidson” wedding. I like a good hog; hell, I even went to Bike Week 1996 in Daytona Beach, FL. But this is pushing the limits for my mild mannered family.

Years ago, before meeting CS, I told my mother I wanted a crawfish boil for a wedding reception. Her response? “But, Honey, people will get their nice church clothes messy eating the crawfish.” I grew out of the idea and ultimately did not have a crawfish boil wedding reception; but I know to my mother, this is far worse.

Did I mention the couple will be exchanging vows on the Harleys? The BORROWED Harleys (as they don’t own bikes themselves)? CS opted to work and go to JazzFest instead of the wedding. Can’t blame him, really, but oh what a time he will miss! He asked me last night if the wedding would be catered. He asked that without laughing and genuinely not sure of the answer. I replied, “I guess you don’t remember Christmas.” The bride was given a crock pot and she squealed, “Ohh, this is great! I’ll use it for the wedding.” So, no, CS, it decidedly will NOT be catered.

And the dress attire? Can you guess? Jeans. For me, no prob! Keeps me from buying some new maternity thing that I’d wear only once. Plus, what does one wear to a Harley wedding if not jeans (and it’s too hot for leather)? My mother, on the other hand, is beside herself. Jeans to a wedding? I don’t know if she even owns a pair of jeans. She thinks she has a denim dress. She is certain to be the most dressed person in attendance, even more so than the bride.

Location? Seriously, you guessed THIS, right? The yard of their house. Thank god they no longer live in a trailer park (thanks, Katrina!!).

At first I thought being pregnant would be a downer for this wedding–I mean, I usually need liquor to get me through something like this. But on the other hand, I don’t drink Bud or Crown Royal so I’d just look like a snob if I weren’t pregnant and not drinking!

I do love my relative and the woman he is marrying. Problem is that this relative and marriage are like oil and water (or should I say Harleys and hurricanes?): They do not mix. So to me, I feel this is the beginning of the end of the one relationship that seems quite positive in his life. Optimistic, aren’t I? I do hope this is instead the beginning of something really settling and maturing in his life. Ahh; who am I kidding?

More upon my return.